The Day I Stopped Competing with Myself and Others, I Set Myself Free

“Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

I’ve never been a fan of competition. It makes me feel stressed and disconnected from others. What I truly love is harmony, peace, and collaboration. That whole “me happy, you happy” vibe, you know? I don’t need to see someone lose to feel good about myself. I don’t have to put others down to feel superior or worthy.

In many cultures, competition is viewed as a symbol of ambition, power, and strength. We’ve all grown up hearing constant comparisons, and it has become a habitual lens through which we view ourselves:

“Do I look better than her? I want to be slimmer.”
“How much does he earn? I want more.”
“Where does she live? I want a house at least that size.”

And the list goes on…

In my home country, Egypt, and many other places, the education system is centered around fierce competition to get the best grades and stand out in class. I remember spending around ten hours a day studying and doing homework during the weekdays. I hardly had any time to play and relax.

Teachers often compared students, and parents would gauge their children against others’ success. Individual talents were seldom nurtured.

This conditioning led to serious self-esteem issues for many years. As a woman, I never felt good enough—never beautiful enough, smart enough, or successful enough. I was caught in a relentless pursuit of perfection.

Even when I wasn’t competing with others, I found myself in constant competition with myself. I pushed to be the best friend, daughter, or employee I could be. Pleasing others became addictive; every “well done!” felt like validation, driving me to strive for even more.

But I’m not here to blame anyone. I’m not a victim. My parents did their best, and society acted as it thought best. Instead, I’m on a quest to uncover the hidden and limiting beliefs that have held me back. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Stop Competing with Others.

Our society often encourages competition, but we have the power to choose differently. Sometimes, competition is unavoidable, such as during job interviews, but in many situations, we can set our own rules. We can focus on our journey instead of wasting time comparing ourselves to others.

We frequently encounter a long list of societal expectations that can feel burdensome: marrying in our twenties, having children, ensuring they get into the best schools and universities, securing the right job and climbing the corporate ladder, driving the ideal car, living in a perfect apartment, curating an impressive wardrobe, and avoiding the stigma of divorce. These pressures establish a limited view of success that can suppress our individuality and diminish our happiness.

It’s essential to recognize these stereotypes for what they are—limitations that can prevent us from pursuing our authentic paths. We need to break free from these constraints, prioritize our own definitions of fulfillment, and live life on our own terms.

I’ve realized that everyone is on their unique path, doing what’s right for them, in their own time. I believe in a supportive universe where everything unfolds perfectly, at the right moment. As the saying goes,

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” ~Albert Schweitzer.

Stop Competing Against Myself.

Perfection is an illusion, a mental construct we’ve adopted. We were raised to constantly strive for self-improvement, often obsessing over our flaws and limitations. Meanwhile, our strengths go unnoticed.

But I refuse to engage in a fight against myself to reach some imaginary finish line. I’m not waiting for that magical day when I’ll be flawless and perfect. Why turn life into an endless competition? True friendship isn’t about rivalry; it’s about support and collaboration. Why be my own rival when I can be my own best friend?

As the Chinese proverb wisely states,

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”

If I keep waiting to become the best version of myself, I’ll always find something to change or fix—and that’s a tiring loop. Life doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. I don’t need to be fixed because I’m not broken.

I embrace my whole being with self-love and compassion. I choose not to view myself as a “work in progress.” My desire for growth comes from daily opportunities to learn about life and myself. It’s about discovering who I truly am and what brings me genuine happiness and fulfillment. By letting go of old patterns and limiting beliefs, I get closer to my authentic self. Life is a journey of self-discovery, not just self-improvement.

Stop Letting Social Media Define You.

Social media has a profound impact on our lives, both positively and negatively. While it helps us connect with friends, I’ve noticed it often fuels our urge to compare ourselves to others. Scrolling through perfectly curated feeds triggers that familiar sense of inadequacy: “Why don’t I have a life like that?”

The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) creeps in as we watch others living what seems to be dream lives. We can find ourselves stuck in a cycle of checking our phones, longing for the experiences friends and influencers share. It draws us into a comparison trap where we measure our worth against their highlight reels.

I’ve come to see this comparison as unjust—not only to ourselves but also to the realities behind those posts. Social media often glosses over the struggles and everyday moments that make life rich. So, I’ve started to take control. I limit my time online and unfollow accounts that trigger insecurities. Instead, I focus on my unique journey, cultivating gratitude for where I am and what I have.

By stepping back from the noise of social media, I’ve embraced my authentic self more fully. It’s liberating to know that my value doesn’t come from likes or followers, but from the love and experiences I nurture in my own life.

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” ~Lolly Daskal.

The day I stopped letting social media define me, I truly began to set myself free.

Since shifting my perspective, I’ve become gentler with myself. I speak kindly and treat myself with dignity and respect. I know I am worthy of the best life has to offer; it’s my birthright to be happy. My happiness isn’t something to compete for—it’s already within me.

I see myself as perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect. I celebrate my mistakes as opportunities for growth. Success and failure both bring wisdom. Every life experience teaches me something about myself and others.

Furthermore, I’ve learned to forgive myself for mistakes, just as I forgive others. I acknowledge my humanity. As a student in life’s school, I’ll have ups and downs, and that’s perfectly okay. I no longer strive to become the best version of myself; I simply do my best in each moment. When I’ve done my best, there’s no room for regret. And when I know better, I do better.

I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need to prove myself to anyone, not even to myself. Newborns and babies don’t compete against each other; they love and accept themselves unconditionally. In our competitive society, we must remember our true nature—balanced, loving, and peaceful.

The world needs fewer fighters and competitors. It needs more givers, peacemakers, and nurturers of the soul. It needs more compassion.