Photo credit: OLICHEL/PIXABAY

Dear Man,

It is a truly wonderful thing that you love your woman so much that you are willing to read my article trying to understand her more, do better, love harder, but aren’t sure if it’s worth the pain and exhaustion.

The fact that you are one of those men who are confused, unsure, lost, and in need of answers in the hope of knowing how to love her better is admirable. Men like you are rare, precious, and so appreciated.

The world needs more men like you. Men who are strong, brave, resilient, determined, loyal, and willing to love at a high cost because you understand the worth of the woman you hold in your arms. You are a testament to the masculine heart that encompasses both strength and gentleness, fierceness and kindness. Hearts like yours are worthy of respect, and I give thanks that you have chosen to love the woman in your life with such determination, commitment, and resolve.

I understand how hard it is to love a woman who knows her self-worth.

It means you will need to love her more than anyone else has before or will again. It means you will need to love her until she understands what love is, and believes in a love she’s never known. It means you will need to love her hard enough to be the one to rewrite the story on her heart.

But, dear man, you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t everything she needs, and didn’t have everything it takes, to love your woman.

It’s difficult for me to tell you how to best love your woman. No situation is ever the same, and I have not the mind or heart of a man in your shoes.

But this is what I can tell you.

A woman who knows her self-worth would always want to be her man’s first choice. Not second choice, or third, or someone they only want to keep as a secret on the side.

So if she’s not your first choice, don’t waste her time. Don’t treat her like she’s second-best. Don’t chase her if she’s not the one you truly want to be with. Don’t play games just so you can get over someone who never loved you or someone who abandoned you.

If she’s not your first choice, don’t ask her personal questions. Don’t let her open up to you about her past, her childhood, or her fears. Don’t let her reveal her heart to you if you’re not ready to love her. Don’t ask for a place in her heart if you’re not planning on staying there forever.

Don’t awaken her love if you’re not ready to love her. Don’t hold her if you’ll easily let her go. Don’t claim her if you can’t be the one she needs.

If she’s not your first choice, don’t stop her from finding the one who would put her first. Don’t act like you’re jealous or you’re committed when you know she’s in your life to fill a void. Don’t lie to her and tell her that she’s the only one when you’re still juggling.

Don’t treat her like a fool because you’re only fooling yourself.

If she’s not your first choice, please leave. Leave and don’t disturb her peace. Leave instead of half-loving her. Leave instead of lying to her. Leave because she doesn’t need you. Leave because she will eventually leave you.

She will leave when she tries to share her world with you but you want to share it with someone else. She will leave when she realizes that your presence is not that much different from your absence. She will leave because she learned to choose herself when people don’t choose her.

If she’s not your first choice, don’t expect to be hers. Because she’s the kind of girl who wants to love till her very last breath. She’s the kind of girl who believes in forever and growing old with the one she loves, laughing at the same jokes on their front porch. She’s the kind of girl who will send you love songs and write you love letters and get your favorite candy every time she sees you. She’s the kind of girl who will give you the world and the galaxies and the universe—but she needs you to meet her there.

You can’t meet her halfway. You can’t ask her to suppress her love. You can’t ask her to be number two. She’s the kind of girl who wants all or nothing, and she won’t settle until she finds someone who is ready and not afraid to choose her every single day.

She knows that he is out there somewhere, wishing for a woman exactly like her—and that when they finally do meet, nothing about her will scare him. Except maybe the thought of losing her.

So if you can’t be the one who loves her harder, if you can’t be the one who stays forever, if you can’t make her the only woman in your life, just leave.

©2018 Dina Al-Mahdy All Rights Reserved