Knowing without a shadow of a doubt that anyone’s behavior towards me has nothing to do with me but everything to do with themselves has been the most liberating truth I have ever revealed so far during the onion peeling process to my inner wisdom.

I wish I had learned this years ago. It could have saved me a lot of pain of unjustified self guilt that has been linked to needless emotional suffering and self-loathing.  Needless to say, it could have also accelerated the healing process leading to acceptance and forgiveness. I find that this discovery even comes before forgiveness. Actually, I reckon that there cannot be any true forgiving as long as there is no clear understanding that I have absolutely nothing to do with how another person acts toward me. However, whenever this happens, the power of forgiveness is handed to me on a silver platter. All of a sudden, there is no limit to how much can be truly forgiven.

For me, this revelation flung wide open the door to a brand new perspective on living in the moment. It cut me off all unhealthy bonds almost immediately. It created the necessary detachment from any hurtful situation involving others without having to settle the score. Freedom is now at close range. That kind of real freedom, because even when people close to me are involved, it becomes obvious that they are just listening to their old tapes, reliving their own stories in closed loop, believing them to be the ultimate truth.

Whose truth exactly is it though?

We are all acting from our very own belief systems. The difference is that my new belief allows me to take matters lightly and walk away in peace knowing I was just a theatrical prop in someone else’s daily drama, one of the sound-alike voices on this person’s old tapes. No more getting tangled in other people’s emotional soap operas. No more blaming, shaming, power struggling and guilt tripping. No more expectations, turning tables, false hopes and broken promises. Only a bird’s eye can view perspective of the overall situation—with no strings attached. But a connection based on compassion for a being is still unaware of what is really happening.

This revelation pretty much rolled out the red carpet for “presence” to show its full pompous figure and enhance my taste for a more insightful me. All of a sudden, I was able to hear where the voices on my own tapes came from and realized that what they were saying was not about me either, but about their owners. So, then came the time to ditch the old tapes and do a proper rewrite.

Sometimes, people say to me: How can you feel so detached and still care? Well, now that I know what I know, I say that being detached is the only way to really care. Love and attachment have nothing in common. One is free and the other is in shackles. Once I create my own freedom, the other persons obtain theirs by default with me, that is if they give themselves permission to accept it…

Plus, this realization taught me that if others really have no influence on me, I have more influence on myself than I could ever imagine. Since what goes for the goose also goes for the gander, it was easy for me to see that my own reactions were mine alone, regardless of what others did or said. Knowing this made me feel more empowered than ever because I was no longer at the mercy of events and people. I could alter my own behavior without involving others and not be affected by even those that are experts at pushing my buttons. No more need to fight for my own share of peace and happiness. I can just carry it around with me at all times, unafraid of losing my cool, knowing I don’t have to be a ping pong ball anymore. I own myself now. I ride my own dragon.

Link to the Article on Elephant Journal.

Image: Dina Al-Mahdy

Bibliographical References:

• Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way, Shauna Niequist
• Notey: The Top Ten Best Blogs on Life Journey

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